Paternity Leave: A forgotten right of being a father in Indonesia

Many times i asked my Indonesian friends (men), “Do you mind to leave your job temporarily just to take care of your daughter or son?”

The major answers you could expect are, “What about my job? How can i feed my family?”
Few of them will undoubtly said,” I won’t hesitate. I simply work from home”, maybe because they are freelancers.

Many of us (mostly men) have this question in their mind, “We have mother’s day but we never have a father’s day here in Indonesia?” (now we have, do you really want this kind of day?)

Feminists might say that women just have one special day out of 365 days in a year. The rest are mostly devoted to the men since the world system in general is following paternalistic pattern. Because of that why there is still such question appears?

I want to put aside the job and salary issues in order to answer aforementioned question. Moreover, let’s stay focus on how we describe the meaning of being a father. Being a father is not merely about earning money, isn’t it? We are human beings. Father, mother or children are human beings. I guess i do not have to remind you that as a human we have several aspects of life: physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual. If so, why should we bother only one aspect “economy” to be called as a father?

I hope you (men) don’t find this article as an offensive one. But please, just grasp the idea behind. Just focus to the fact of being a human. As a father, do you think that you spend less time than your wife or even with your babysitter with your children? When did your last time hug your children? Listen to their stories? Read fairy tales for them? Feed them? Change their diapers?

“Awh, my wife or babysitter will do that for me”. If this is your answer, i am very sorry for you. You may also say,”I have no time to do that”, terribly sorry for you. Because those things i mentioned earlier are the least you could do to build a bound with your children. Be part of their lives. Help and share ideas to them. Make them understand that you are really there for them.

Money is an abstract idea for them. Surely, they will have their toys, food, clothes because of that. But it is way too long until they really understand how money really could keep them alive. This is why money is not enough for them to feel that they are loved.

One time you lose your chance to change their diapers means you lose your opportunity to be real part of their life. I am not joking. Because eat, sleep and poo are the main activities that babies have. Beside, you may feel clumsy and clumsier if you do not train yourself. And then you will have no confident to carry them by yourself. You have no confident to hug them and make them feel comfortable just by next to you. By thus, you already set a boundary with your very own children. And it starts from the small...very small things happened every day.

Furthermore, you will feel that your family do not trust you to take care of them because you are failed to ease their tantrum. You will have no patient to calm down your crying children and decide to make instant way by asking your wife or babysitter do something for them.

This is just like a devil circle. First, you do not have confident to take care of your children. And then your family and even your children sense that. Your family cannot trust that you could calm them down or change the diapers. Or maybe because they believe that your job is only to work and earn money as much as you can. Then, because you never have chance to train yourself, you feel even less confident to do that day by day.

Indeed, please spend more time with your children. This is your basic right to be a father. They need to be close with both of their father and mother. If your children do not dare to ask toys or any favor from you by themselves, it is a sign for you to spend more time with them. To read fairy tales, to eat ice cream together in the park or to play games together. Whatever! The thing is to do things together as many as you can.

Creating bound between you and your children not only good for them but also for you. You have no idea how their young and pure energy could help you to balance your life. You already have a friend, a real close friend till your old age. Maybe this was one reason why the paternal leave was being proposed and agreed. Once upon a time in the western countries, the old men had no children who visit them, who want to even talk to them. It was simply because children naturally will be closer to their mom. It got worse when father set a distance with them or even divorce. Many men felt so lonely at their old age. They, then, realized that they also have a right to be closed with their children. At last, this is your (men in Indonesia) right that you shall never forget.